i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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