I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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