you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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