Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
