He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
