but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
