I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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