Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
