So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
