1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude i'm inner monologue high
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
