I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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