That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
