You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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