conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I came so hard my ears popped.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
