I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't turn off my feet"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
