i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
