Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
