i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize