so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
