Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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