I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
