In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
