Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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