i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
