Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
