can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
