this beer tastes like vomit already
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
