Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
