oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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