Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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