So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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