Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
