she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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