R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
