I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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