Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
