he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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