Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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