My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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