Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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