man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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