I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
