Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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