I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
