I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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