You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
