Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Randomize
