I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
