in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
