I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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