I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize