Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
