shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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