I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
