I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
