Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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