i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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