Don't you send me to vm
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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