I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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