so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize