You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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