i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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