my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
