how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
