woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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