grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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