yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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