Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
