No awkward lesbian experiences without me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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