A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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