i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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