So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize