The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
