I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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