Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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